Category: D&D (Page 7 of 16)

April 7-9, TA 1331

April 7, 1331

Hagagakak’s Tent

In the aftermath of the T-Rex beat-down at the cannibal village, the party liberates the captured villager, Lagu. As the party investigates the village, they find the shrunken heads of dozens of captured villagers decorating the huts of the cannibal clan. Lagu tells an awful tale of horrific tortures and murders. He was next on the menu, and owes his life to the heroes. From there, the party decides to search the stinky tent of the evil cannibal sorceress, Hagagakak.

Dem Bones

As it turns out, the lovely Hagagakak was into arts and crafts. Not cross-stitching or scrapbooking. No, she built stuff with the bones of the people she slaughtered. Very charming.

At one end of her hut, the party finds a hexagon shape pounded into the dirt. The hexagon is lined with femurs. The area oozes with dark, arcane energy. At the other end of the tent, a strange scaffolding of finger bones holds aloft a curious ball made of amber. Inside the ball, an imprisoned pixie is trapped, frozen in place.

When Marcus holds his light close to the amber ball, the pixie opens her eyes and glowing bits of pixie dust float through the orb.

Trixie the Pixie

Fire Willow

Marcus calls on the Lady of the Lots, who confirms that releasing the pixie from her amber prison will be a great boon to the party. Quintos tries a spell to free her—dispel magic. The orb, however, remains intact. Then Lundie casually strolls up to the orb and taps it with his divine hammer.

A flash of light blinds Lundie and the party. Lundie’s soul gets sucked into a wormhole. Meanwhile, the party simply sees Lundie’s body freeze, not realizing that his soul now zooms toward oblivion.

Lundie’s head pokes through an ethereal plane into a hut with two of Hagagakak’s sisters: Mornigak and Slithigak. They stir a boiling witch’s pot and chat. When they see Lundie, they read his mind, and cry, “You killed our sister!” Then they grab spears and approach his floating head. Lundie tries to get away, but can’t move.

Meanwhile, back in the hut of Hagagakak, the party sees Lundie twitching. Ivamel thinks that perhaps the dwarf has invented breakdancing. Leopold observes smoke emerging from the finger-bone pedestal and crawling over the ground to the hexagon of bones. Quintos, with a blessing from Marcus and some musical inspiration from the band “Ghost and the Loincloths” pushes Lundies hammer all the way down on the orb.

There’s another blinding flash of light. The orb cracks, and Lundie’s soul returns to his body.

Fire Willow

Lundie, with a few taps of his hammer, frees the pixie. She immediately gets a crush on the 20-foot-tall dwarf and his very nest-able beard.

Her true name makes Hagagakak’s sound easy to pronounce. It’s Glandirifainisiwan. Which translates to Fire Willow. She’s clearly not in her right mind, because she thinks Lundie is tall and handsome. Quintos says that she’s “fairy powerful.” As prophesied by the Lady of the Lots, Fire Willow becomes an immediate boon to the party…by tying Leopold’s and Quintos’ shoelaces together while the party sleeps.

April 8, 1331

The Ring

After spending the night in Leomund’s Tiny Hut—which the Duke of Dorn has tricked out as Leomund’s Rockin’ Bachelor Pad (Leomund’s Disco Ball, Leomund’s Buffet, Leomund’s Big Screen TV, Leomund’s Xbox, Leomund’s Fridge Full of Beer, and Leomund’s Pot Dispensary)—the party heads off to find the plateau rumored to be near the interior of the island.

Along the way, the heroes and their jungle walker buddies find an old campsite, and Quintos spots a glint of silver in the underbrush. It’s a ring! A shiny silver ring! Certainly it’s magic.

Marcus consults the Lady of the Lots and rolls double 0’s. Aught! Aught!

His unusual vision tells him that the ring is probably cursed. Quintos figures out that the ring makes one feel as if they are invisible, but really the ring whistles and draws attention to the wearer. Perhaps a useful tool to have in the future.

April 9, 1331

Leopold Picks a Fight with a Tree

After another night partying in Leomund’s Tiny Frat House, the party continues their journey, emerging from dense jungle to hill country. They approach a deep gorge over which a giant fallen tree forms a bridge.

The party sets camp for the night. Ivamel starts chopping firewood … with a rapier. I guess he just likes a challenge. Immediately, a redwood-sized Treant moves toward the party and chastises them for desecrating the bodies of his dead friends and family.

Most of the party takes a knee and apologizes profusely for offending the mighty Treant. Except for Leopold, The Duke of Dorn.

Leopold defies the Treant, and when the Treant appears ready to attack, Leopold makes a slimy non-apology apology—and it works! The Treant abstains from crushing the party. Leopold rolls his eyes, disappointed that he hadn’t started a fight with the sanctimonious tree.

The Chromatic Wizards

With the help of Fire Willow, the party speaks with the Treant and hears a mysterious tale. The Treant has lived for 13 centuries. During that time, the Treant has often encountered three chromatic wizards. According to the Treant, these wizards created the island in the bubble of the universe.

There was a male wizard dressed in blue robes, a male wizard dressed in red robes, and a female wizard dressed in yellow robes. Hmm—red, yellow, and blue. The primary colors. The colors from which all other colors can be created. Coincidence? I think not!

These 3 wizards came and went among the people and creatures of Vridensia for centuries. Then about 200 years ago, the Treant noticed that the three wizards had stopped coming to Vridensia.

Before the wizards went missing, new creatures appeared on the island. The Treant has seen a herd of buffalo on the central plateau. Ghost Dancer does the happy dance at this news and feels closer to fulfilling his destiny.

Some in the party notice that they have seen three different constellation patterns in the skies of Redmark, Earth, and Vridensia. Three different worlds in three different universes. It’s all very strange and unsettling.

And speaking of the constellations, the Treant finishes his tale by saying that many wizards fled to the stars.

What will the heroes discover at the interior of the island? Will the Duke of Dorn finally get to fight a tree? Will Lundie marry Trixie the Pixie and create a subspecies of even shorter dwarves? Will Ghost Dancer find the Fluffalo? Will Marcus get eaten by a Roc? Will Quintos attune with the Roc? Will Ivamel finally reveal that he’s Mars (“Surprise, ya’ll. It’s me, Mars. Who wants to see my flaming sword?”)

Stay tuned…

LOOT REPORT

1 cursed silver ring

April 6-7, TA 1331

Akamu, a jungle walker, joins our intrepid heroes as they begin their journey to find the Rock’s nest and the infamous White Buffalo. Looking out at the mountain, Ghost Dance and Quintos decide to fly up the mountain using Ghost’s spell, in hopes that they can retrieve several items that the party are hopeful are present. Marcus and Akamu prepare to mimic animal sounds to distract the Rock in case Quitos and Ghost Dancer are vulnerable. Upon landing on the top of the mountain near the Rock’s nest, Quintos and Ghost both use their magics to go invisible. Quintos notes a bottle of whiskey and a few notable features of a man that he has heard tale of whose body is in this gigantic bird’s nest, but can recall nothing specific. Nerio, Quintos’ reliable familiar, notifies the duo of danger and our heroes sprint and jump off of the top of the mountain (nearly 1.5 miles high).

The Rock, having noticed an odor that was off in its nest, begins to search the area. After making noises to distract the great bird, Akamu and Marcus are discovered and attempt to flee the clearing and make for the tree line. Akamu stumbles and is scrambling for safety when Marcus, in a moment of clarity and brilliance, casts Banishment on the great best – sending it away for 60 seconds. Ivamel, deciding to be useful, spots a cave on the mountainside and the trio on the ground scramble toward the hole in order to reach safety before the Rock returns. Inside the cave Marcus gets a premonition from Marsssh that there is certain evil nearby in the cave.

Quintos and Ghost Dancer make their way down the mountain and just reach the inner sanctum of the cave before the Rock reappears and begins frantically tearing up trees and brush to find those that have disrupted its nest. The party of 6 decide to head toward the mountain shown in the map that Quintos recovered from the nest. After some tracking and climbing through muck, mire, and dried out plains the party happens upon a village protected by a fence that backs itself into a large cave.

Slowly, Akamu and Marcus decide to approach the village. From the tree line, the party can see a few people moving inside the walls and all take precautions, preparing for possible battle. As the pair nears the village a witch of some kind yells out and speaks some commands in a seemingly primordial language. A rumbling starts, but the party has other things to worry about as two other sorcerous villains begin to cast spells their way. Ivamel fires arrow after arrow and Quintos blasts with eldtritch power, both picking off enemies from a distance. Akuma and Marcus freeze in their tracks as a giant lizard appears and storms toward the party. Ghost Dancer casts spell after spell at the creature and those protected behind the walls of the village. After dispatching with the shamen, the party turns its focus on the giant short-armed lizard creature. Quintos places a Hex on the creature, Marcus bestows a curse from Mars, and Ivamel strikes so furiously that the giant creature becomes frightened. After only a few seconds, the beast is destroyed. Adrenaline still flowing the party turns its fury onto the witch who had tucked herself into the cave beyond the village. A few strikes from swords, arrows, and magics subdue the woman and she is defeated.

The party find that her name is Hagagigak and she owned quite a collection of shrunken heads…

April 3-6, TA 1331

The shock of the unusual trip to another world the group just took quickly turned into yet another party with the natives. And another eating contest for Quintos to foolishly volunteer for. This time, however, he actually managed to win. Who knew a Roman could eat such a horrible food and not die from some horrible food poisoning.

The next day, and under much fanfare, the adventurers left the party happy little village in search of the fabled Buffalo and the legendary lost city located somewhere in the depths of the dark and scary jungle. None struggled with fear, however, as several local wilderness men were coming along as guides. Given the guides already outstanding track record, having lost only 27 of their original 30 members, things were looking very promising.

The journey went swimmingly until a rabid group of baboons descended upon the party like a horde of wild trinket collectors. They lurched at everything they could see that was shinny, including an item of great sentimental value to Marcus. Fortunately, he was able to win the game of grabsies and maintained ownership of his family heirloom. The fight was brought to a close when the red bottomed menaces fled in terror thanks to the clever use of a war cry enhanced with Thaumaturgy. Following the baboons led the group to an alcove where sat a large and well-adorned orangutan. With his new ability to speak with animals, Ghost Dancer sought and was granted an audience with the clear leader of this group of primates. This led to the question to end all questions…”Is an orangutan aware that it is actually an orangutan?”

This conversation was cut short when a giant Roc snatched up this lordly orangutan as he heatedly blamed Quintos’ “war crrwwyy!!” for summoning the winged beast. While tracking the Roc, Nerio (Quintos’ owl familiar) discovered that the Roc’s nest was filled with great treasure. So, for the benefit of…..the….Desperate Adventurers Charity our now sweaty and stinky adventurers made for the nest. At the base of the mountain upon which the Roc nested, their “nest invasion planning” session was rudely interrupted by a gigantic chameleon. This inconsiderate chameleon was quickly dealt with but not before it swallowed poor Ku, one of the guides, like a tiny cricket.

Although forced to adjust their success rate numbers to having lost only 28 out of 30, the guides are still convinced they can turn their luck around. Now the party readies themselves for the climb….of…..DOOM!!!

(A cut-scene that occurs immediately after Session 25)

In the pre-dawn hours of the battle of Agincourt, flames consume the tattered pavilion of the Duke of Bar. Shocked French guards hazard the flames to rescue the beheaded Duke’s body, ignoring the hapless screams of the Duke’s ‘demon’. Gone are the interlopers who entered the tent then disappeared, abandoning the tent, and the kobold inside, to the flames.

Inside the wood shed, a metal cage grows heats and burns the kobold shaman inside. He writhes and shouts curses in French. The immolated kobold with one hand clutches a lump on his chest beneath his tunic, lit orange by rippling, consuming fires. With his other hand, the dying creature pulls a vial from a hidden pouch and unstoppers it with a thumb. He consumes the fluid therein. His face is a rictus of horror as his body jerks in unnatural spasms.

The kobold’s agonized shouts transform into a scream of triumph. A burst of smoke, and the cage, still aflame from the collapsing timbers around it, is now empty, the flaming kobold’s body gone. A disembodied, maniacal cackle rolls over the French camp like a gathering thunder.

The French soldiers who witnessed these chilling events die within hours, the shafts of English arrows peppering their bodies.

October 24, A.D. 1415 (Earth Time)

Bring Out Your Dead!

Our five heroes find themselves in a strange land where their magic doesn’t work and everyone is speaking an incomprehensible language and eating escargot. A few mimes in berets roam about—an utterly terrifying place.

Fortunately, two our heroes—Ivamel and Duke Leopold—speak the language they call “French.” They tell Ghost Dancer, Marcus, and Quintos that they are in a place called Agincourt on the eve of a battle with someone called “The English.”

The man the party had seen with an Urthjarl Stone in the hilt of his sword turns out to be Edward III, Duke of Bar. He’s a real Weinstein. He disappears into his tent complex to abuse an unfortunate young woman he calls “Miss Tuesday.” Within the hour, a man pulling a cart exits the tent complex hauling away the dead, bruised body of Miss Tuesday. Duke Douchebag has beaten her to death.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Ghost Dancer, stripped of his magic, turns to his disguise kit. In a few minutes, he’s in drag and ready to help the party bluff their way into the Duke’s pavilion as Miss Wednesday Morning—or as Mason calls him out-of-game, Mrs. Ghostfire.

Duke Leopold commandeers the cart and its hauler, identifying himself as the Duke of Dorn. The humbled hauler agrees to bring the party of Moors (“Allah! Allah!) into the pavilion. Duke Edward needs his ladies, and this new one looks exotic—and a bit feisty. With a bit of an Adam’s apple.

Ghost cross-dresses and gains entrance to the holding hut.

Into the Holding Tent

Leopold talks his way into the pavilion, and has all the guards trembling at this new, mouthy noble. The party goes into a holding tent where they loosely tie Ghost Dancer to a pole alongside two other poor wenches destined to fall into the clutches of the perverted Duke Edward. Marcus remains with Ghost and protects him from being groped, beaten, and Shawshanked by the guards. Meanwhile, the rest of the party goes into the main pavilion.

The party splits up; always a good idea!

The Duke, the Sword, the Kobold, and The Dark One

Leopold talks his way into the main pavilion, brushing past the guards with noble contempt. They find Edward speaking Latin to his sword and small tendrils of flame briefly flickering on the blade. Then, they hear an outhouse gimp with a high, squeaky voice speaking French to Edward about magic.

Leopold enters and parlays with the Duke. Deception ensues!

Leopold introduces himself to Edward, and tells him that he has brought him a sorcerer who can teach him how to use his sword: Quintos. Quintos speaks in Latin, impressing the Duke. Then Quintos clutches his own Urthjarl Stone, granting him a brief spark of magic, which he uses to cast Thaumaturgy, making his eyes glow red and his voice boom.

The outhouse gimp—a kobold shaman, as it turns out, caged in a small structure designed to look like an outhouse—cries out that Quintos is actually the Dark Lord, Dis-Dool. Edward is even more impressed. Quintos says with his booming voice in Latin, “Give me the sword, and I’ll show you how it works.”

Edward eagerly hands over the sword.

Ivamel’s Revenge

As Quintos holds the sword and brings the two Urthjarl Stones in proximity of each other, they both begin to glow brighter—and Quintos feels more magical.

Ivamel, who recognizes Edward and remembers what he’s done to Ivamel (though Ivamel does not yet share that story with the party), can wait no longer. He sprints to Edward, sword drawn, and stabs him as he says with a grim look on his face, “You took my life; I take your future.”

The fight begins after Ivamel’s biting words, and the Duke’s bodyguards enter the fray.

Meanwhile, Back in the Whore Tent…

Leopold comes from the pavilion to the wench-holding tent and tells the guards that Edward has called for the dark hottie, aka Ghost Dancer. Marcus, outside of the tent, waits and pulls the tent over Ghost and says, “Follow Me,” as the sounds of battle erupt from the Pavilion.

Ghost and Marcus go into the pavilion. Leopold, however, feels an unusual feeling for one of the wenches. What is this strange feeling? It’s something called sympathy, apparently.

Rescuing Ghost!

He frees the wench who claims she has a baby she needs to tend to. Leopold tells the guards the Duke wants another lady for his crazy night of debauchery. Leopold gets the woman outside and frees her. She runs off to tend to her infant daughter—Joan of Arc.

Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

In the pavilion, all hell has broken loose. Ivamel gets really stabby with Edward. The fire sword speaks to Quintos: “Hey, ya’ll.”

The sword also says it must be wielded by one worthy, and then it leaps to Ivamel’s hands. Ivamel speaks the Latin phrase etched on the hilt, conjures full flames, and stabs Edward through the mouth…but not before the imprisoned kobold gets a chance to pick up a dropped dagger and stab Edward, too.

The battle with the Duke and his guards.

Ivamel decapitates Edward and sends his flaming head rolling. Then he looks up to see Ghost Dancer performing a writhing, shimmying dance as two guards poke their heads into the pavilion to see what the noise is. When the guards see Ghost doing his stripper dance and odd contortions, they shake their heads at the growing perversity of Duke Edward, and leave.

Ivamel downs the Duke!

Looking at his new sword and then at Ghost Dancer and, Ivamel makes a crack about the group having two flamers now. Ghost is not amused. Well, maybe a little.

Leopold runs in and joins the group as Marcus prepares to cast banishment and hopefully return them to Vridensia. The kobold begs to come with them, promising them to of great help and service. Quintos, instead, casts fireball at the outhouse-cage, and the kobold shrieks in flames. Marcus, remembering how things went wrong with Hashar the Bugbear, is happy to see the kobold burning instead of joining the party.

Marcus casts the spell. With a whoosh, the party flies the same kind of tunnel that got them to this place called Agincourt. They whoosh along and end up back in the hut at the village by the giant King Kong wall. Those who were watching this banishment ceremony ask the party why Ivamel hasn’t gone anywhere, and the party realizes that their journey to France only took a mere blink of an eye in Vridensia time, but clearly took an hour or two in France-time.

That’s when the other observers (Ash, the chief, the village shaman) notice that Ivamel is now holding a flaming sword he didn’t have a second ago, and that Ghost Dancer is suddenly dressed like a strumpet. Everyone freaks out, and the party realizes that while they still have much work to do, they now have two Urthjarl Stones, a flaming sword, and a small glimmer of hope that they can save Thrëa from the dark forces that seek to destroy it.

LOOT REPORT

• Ivamel—Gets a sweet new Flame Sword +2 (+3 if flame is activated); almost gets a pet kobold
• Ghost Dancer—Some mascara and a nice purse that matches his loincloth
• Leopold—A sense of sympathy
• Quintos—Jock itch—wait…that’s just a little Hunger of Hadar left over
• Marcus—A strong desire to get back to Juana-Nona and make sure she doesn’t have an Adam’s apple